That cube is a douch

Portal: A Day in the Life of a Turret

In honour of the misses

Because I can

Who needs the caps lock when you have...

And you better believe this sucker is glued the fuck DOWN!

Customers hand crafted by god to punish me, part two

In this customers past a mighty wrong had befallen them. It is unknown if it was and angry Lord who smote them, a Circuit City touched them as a child or a retail clerk gunned down both of his parents, causing the customer to train both mind and body for years to fight the evil that is someone offering to help them pick out a computer. We are of course talking about my favorite all time customer, The Hater.
How do you know if your customer is a Hater:

1. Did you go to say hello and he yelled "JUST LOOKING, GAWD!" before you got to the double L?
2. When he did need help, did he call you over with an eye roll (they love eye rolls) and a single crooked finger like you were a puppy caught mid stream on the new green stainmaster in the hall?
3. When first introducing yourself, they go on a 20 min rant on what they are NOT going to buy. (Who DOES this? Do you sit down at Applebees and tell the waitress everything on the menu that your not going to eat? "Look honey, I never get desert, so just don't offer...look I have been eating for YEARS and I have never needed a tasty treat at the end of my meal, so don't offer!")
4. When within three feet, you feel a sharp pain on your left side. Do not be alarmed, this is not the heart attack that will claim you (not this time, anyway), no, on closer inspection you will find small raised areas throbbing red. They are bite marks. The Hater is not poisonous, but may carry many harmful bacteria in their mouth. Wash the affected area and treat with toothpaste or wee.
   

How to deal with a Hater:

1. Apologize up front for whatever wrongs were done to them in the past. (Yes sir, I am sorry that Becky Cooper pushed you off the swings in third grade...yes, Sir, I know that you brother had no right to the front seat of the station wagon because calling "shotgun" inside the house does not count, yes, Sir.........) .
   

Pros: Works, can be a cathartic break through for the customer.
Cons: Most jobs only let you work 8 hours a day, this could take a shift or three longer then you have. Most Haters have scars that go back to a man in a white coat slapping them.

2."Your Honour, I would like to treat this witness as hostal!"

Pros: Fun. They already hate you, make a day of it. Anwser questions the loooong way round with allot of unnecessary abbreviations tossed in for no reason then to make you chuckle. (I see what you need here sir, A Gtwy dx, 4 usb, 1 DB9, 4gb of ram, and wtf a 500gb HD lol haxzzorz....). When they ask a question, pause, then answer it with another question....I have got to twelve before I had to give a strait answer.
Cons: Just fuel for the fire. You may just be the one to make them snap and decied that a hard rain must fall and wash away the scum from the streets....starting with you and your name-tag.

3. Avoidance.

Pros: This is why we hire new people, to act as buffers between you and the assholes of the world. They are like the crumple zone on your fragile emotions. Just use the above warning signs as your guide, and push the "trainee" into the oncoming train (where did you think that trainee came from? Don't dispute science!). You may want to lay down a tarp for the pants-wetting that will ensue. Even better news, if they survive, they will be welcomed back into the herd as one of the group. If they don't, well then they would have bugged out one week before Christmas like a kids first tour in 'Nam. Better to know now.
Cons: The mental health of the people who work for you. They trust you and it is your..*Snort* whooo, I can't even say that with a strait face! Just throw them on the pile and hire another "resource".
Good Luck out there, until next week.

SG!

After a small vacation...I'm back BITCHES!